


All These Stumbles and Falls (They Led Straight to Your Arms)

by aktura



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Loves Magnus Bane, Angst with a Happy Ending, Insecure Magnus Bane, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Magnus Bane Loves Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane has abandonment issues, Magnus Bane in Edom, Parabatai Bond, Self-Sacrifice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:08:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22526830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aktura/pseuds/aktura
Summary: If your precious Alexander could only have one of us, who do you think he'd pick?the thing that is not quite Jace asks, and something in Magnus wavers.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 16
Kudos: 257





	All These Stumbles and Falls (They Led Straight to Your Arms)

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this after mainlining the entirety of _Shadowhunters_ in the span of a week.
> 
> Do you ever weep on Magnus' behalf when Alec tells him that Alec would be nothing without Jace? If so, this is for you.
> 
> Title from Aisha Badru's _Bridges_ , aka Malec's engagement song.

**i.**

_He’s my parabatai_ , Alec says.

 _If he dies, a part of me dies too_ , he says. 

_Without him, I’m nothing._

Magnus has known parabatai before. He can claim to understand it as well as any Downworlder possibly could, this angelic bond that tethers two souls together by emotions, instincts, strength – but that doesn’t make it hurt any less when Alexander speaks of his connection to Jace in terms that leaves no room for anyone else.

 _If your precious Alexander could only have one of us, who do you think he'd pick?_ the thing that is not quite Jace asks, and something in Magnus wavers.

He’s a lot to get used to. He’s told Alec this before, and it’s true; hundreds of years, seventeen thousand souls, and Alexander is the only one who’s chosen to stay. 

For this, Magnus is grateful. 

When the time comes to repay that kindness, Magnus does what has to be done.

_I love you, Alexander_ , he says, stepping into the fire, feeling it nip at his shins.

 _I love you, too_ , Alexander tells him as the flames lick higher, as they pull him down, down, down.

Asmodeus names his price, and the choice turns out not to be much of a choice at all.

Magnus gives up all that he is so that Alexander will remain whole. 

  
**ii.**

_Everything I need is right here in front of me_ , Magnus lies.

He’s an empty husk. Where there once was magic – where there once was _life_ , power beating like a heart, pure energy swirling, trickling down his spine and into his fingertips, sparking into something tangible with a flick of his wrist – there is nothing. 

He’s deaf and blind and dumb, senseless in all ways, numb to the world. 

Suddenly, instantly, all the weight of his hundreds of years are coming to rest on his shoulders, and without his immortality to help bear the load, he finds himself unable to _breathe_. 

There’s so little time left, now. 

It’s enough to drive him mad – enough to feed the swell of desperation that is rising, and he’s helplessly caught in the undertow, pulled beneath the surface.

He just wants to feel whole again.

_Anything you want_ , he says.

He finds that he means it, even though Lorenzo Rey’s magic turns out to be a poor substitute for his own; it feels like a foreign thing – it’s _in him_ , but not _of him_ , not like the power he carried with him since birth – but even this lackluster imitation is enough to almost make him weep with relief. 

He attempts to cling to it even after his body rejects it, his system rightly recognizing it as something _other_ – an unnatural, alien thing. 

There’s a price to be paid for this kind of folly.

( _Stay with me_ , Alexander says.)

( _I’m sorry_.)

When his magic is stripped from him for the second time, it’s an otherworldly kind of pain. 

It’s the absence of his magic sinking back into his body, certain knowledge settling in his bones like a chill that won’t ever leave. An echo of Alec’s _I won’t lose you, I can’t_ , keeps on ringing in Magnus’ ears. 

_I have everything I need right here_ , he tells Lorenzo Rey, and it has to be enough – it _has to_ be.

And it might be, eventually. He’s— working on it. 

Maybe, he thinks. 

Maybe, it’ll get easier. Maybe, the pain will lessen.

Maybe, he will be able to spend the rest of his life as a mundane and find himself content.

Maybe, with Alec by his side, it might just be enough.

_I need a break_ , Alexander says.

_I didn't know the spark inside of you, the one I fell in love with, was out for good._

_I can’t._

  
**iii.**

The sky is burning.

There is no night or day in Edom, only a blood-red sunset that never breaks, fed by the glow of a thousand fires.

There is ash in every breath, and the taste of sulfur on the back of the tongue, and the air dances on the horizon, hot enough to scorch anything that isn’t native to this realm; in this land, the only thing that will ever kill him are the claws and magic of his fellow Edomites. The demon blood that flows through Magnus’ veins makes sure of that.

If left unchallenged, he’ll spend eternity in his father’s house, sitting atop his throne and twisting the ring on his left hand, the weight of it heavier – truer – than that of the others.

There will be plenty of time to think about what could have been, then.

Somewhere in the distance Lilith is amassing an army. 

Magnus can feel it growing in size, the malice of its host spreading like a disease carried upon the blistering wind, evident to anyone who cares to pay attention.

Peace is a word foreign to Edom. It is inevitable that his castle will eventually be breached. 

But it is not Lilith’s horde that gets there first. 

The touch of Alexander’s hands to his face is like benediction.

 _It’s only Edom_ , he says, this Nephilim who has stormed the gates of the underworld for Magnus’ sake. 

_I’m never leaving you again_ , he says, willing to _stay_ , and Magnus’ breath catches in his throat.

_I don’t think I can live without you_ , Alexander once told him.

Here, at the end of the world, against the backdrop of brimstone and ash, Magnus finally believes.


End file.
